…But Use These Tools for Better Dialogue
By Shannon Wheatley Hartman, President of the Interactivity Foundation.
What if we actually talked politics at this year’s Thanksgiving celebrations? We absolutely should. Holiday gatherings are an opportunity to deepen our connections with loved ones, practice active listening, and imagine shared possibilities together.
The conventional wisdom says we should avoid politics at family gatherings. This seems especially true this year. Many of us have experienced 2025 as a year of upheaval, disruption, dysfunction, and exhaustion. What if we leaned into hope and initiated meaningful conversations anyway? What if we led with intention and confident humility? What if we focused on rebuilding social trust and connection? What if we could bring family together and have meaningful discussions? Can we have our pie and eat it, too?
Of course, even with the best of intentions, discussions can be risky and might backfire. You’ve probably experienced this as well.
Here are some practical tips from the Interactivity Foundation to set you up for a successful Thanksgiving dinner conversation.
- Plan ahead. Before raising the topic of politics, think ahead about when and where to invite the conversation. Wait for folks to be at ease and comfortable at the table. Prepare a few questions that could spark deep reflection. Remember that our goal is to seek connection and understanding. Think of this as a journey, not a destination.
- Ask “What if…” questions to spark imagination. For example, “What if everyone could enjoy opportunity, security, and connection? How could we achieve that as a community?” Use your own “What if…” and see where it takes you. You’ll be surprised how this opens up exploration, inspiration, and personal reflection.
- Your goal is to listen, not to win. Easier said than done, but listening, deeply, to understand all the ways that your loved ones are human is important. They have their own personal history and unique perspective that is different from yours. Listen with an open heart and appreciate all that they are, and who you are. Avoid needing to interrupt. Demonstrate that you are curious by asking for clarification: “Can you say more about that?” or “What leads you to think that?” Repeat back what you heard them say and try to be fair minded. Listen with generosity.
- Celebrate differences. Acknowledge that your loved one’s feelings, perspective, and values might be fundamentally different from yours. You don’t have to agree or accept their views or values. What’s important is that you recognize that their views are sincerely held by them. Take them seriously, even if you disagree. Our goal is connection and shared discussion, not persuasion. Dialogue begets more constructive dialogue.
- Reaffirm relationships. We can’t predict or anticipate all of the complex relationships, politics, or values a person might have. We do want to encourage everyone to reaffirm basic humanity. We encourage people to acknowledge that, “No matter our differences, I see you— and hope you flourish.” And for good measure, “I love you” goes a long way.
- Express gratitude. The fact that you and your loved ones are in each other’s presence is worth honoring and celebrating. The passage of time is our ultimate shared reality.
It’s easy to dismiss these suggestions and choose to disengage—keep your distance. Cynicism, indifference, and polarization dominate our lives and negatively impact all of us. We believe in radical engagement. We want to counter disconnection, loneliness, and isolation. Both options take energy. You can decide how and where you want to burn your additional Thanksgiving calories.
Ask yourself a basic question: “What if… I take that first step? What if I use these tools and see what I can learn from someone else? What if I made a stronger connection? What if I used dialogue to imagine a whole new set of possibilities?
Wouldn’t that be something to be thankful for this year?
To learn more about free discussion resources, register for a collaborative intelligence coach training, or join our community of discussion-passionate people, visit interactivityfoundation.org.
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